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I am a big fan of the old “Andy Griffith Show.” The other day, while watching some recorded episodes for the umpteenth time, I saw a couple that got me thinking and remembering. Both had to do with a leaky boat.Maybe you remember them. In the first, Andy and Opie have to curtail a fishing trip when their boat, Gertrude, springs a leak. In the other, Andy, Barney and Henry Bennett (the town jinx) fall victims to a boat leak (still Gertrude, I assume) as Andy fights and loses a monster trout hooked in the depths of Myers Lake. Barney blames the leak on Henry, while Andy lays it off on the fact that “Earl Gilley was too cheap to spend money on caulkin‘.”It’s good to know Andy and I have at least one thing in common. You see, I’m no stranger to leaks myself. I can’t remember a single piece of purportedly watertight outdoor equipment that didn’t spring a leak on me at least once during its use. Take boats for instance. Years ago, I owned a little 8-foot plastic Scamper that somehow got its little mini-pontoons filled with water during a rainstorm. At the time, the boat was leaned upright against the side of a storage shed. Obviously, the seam between deck and pontoons was not sealed tightly enough.I explained the situation to my buddy Cletus Monroe. He chided me for not immediately fixing the problem and took it upon himself to rectify the situation. I gratefully allowed him to take the Scamper to his house for repairs. A few days later, Clete showed up with the scamper “all fixed up” and demanded that I repay him for his efforts by taking him fishing. We went that very afternoon. On the way to the pond. Clete explained how he’d painstakingly re-sealed the seam and how I no longer had anything to worry about. Noah’s own flood would not, he said, cause water to enter the Scamper’s insides. Soon after launching, however, the little boat started feeling “heavier” than normal. There was a distinct settling of the small craft as it sank lower and lower into the water. I hastily guided us back to shore.Turning the boat over, I noticed two small holes drilled into the bottom of each pontoon. I took a perplexed look at my old friend.“What the heck is this?” I queried.“What?” he said. “Don’t blame me. I had to do that to let the water out.”Fortunately, I was unarmed.Another time, Clete and I impaled a cheap one-ply fiberglass boat on a snag in the middle of a lake, which knifed through the boat’s bottom like a toothpick through tissue paper. This time the resulting leak was not so subtle. Water spouted up like the Old Faithful geyser. As we sank steadily up to our necks, Clete asked if somehow I thought this leak was his fault too.“Yes,” I replied. “Remember who it was who said he had a line on a great little boat we could get for the mere pittance price of $75? I’ll sell you my half right now, no questions asked. I’ll give you one thing, though. At least there were no holes in it when we got here.”Angry as I was, I didn’t have the heart to mention the boat we were in the day the water snake dropped in unannounced. Before I could explain the intruder’s nonvenomous nature, Clete emptied a .357 magnum revolver into the decking. The reptile swam away unscathed as we slowly descended toward the bottom of the creek.It doesn’t stop with boats either. Through the years I’ve suffered ceaselessly from leaking waders, ice chests, float tubes, truck tires and anything else designed to hold in or repel some fluid or another. And isn’t it strange that, with few exceptions, most of my leaks have occurred while in the company of Mr. Monroe?Sort of makes a fellow wonder if the boy might be some kin to old Henry Bennett or Earl Gilley.Lord help Cletus if I ever find out those characters were based on real people.
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Questions? Comments? E-mail Bob Kornegay at: cletus@windstream.net
<a href="http://www.albanyherald.com/sports/headlines/99184354.html?ref=354tag:news.google.com,2005:cluster=http://www.albanyherald.com/sports/headlines/99184354.html?ref=354Sun, 25 Jul 2010 04:30:50 GMT 00:00″>OUTDOORS: Springing a leak